Abah

Hey D.

I miss my abah. I know it's obvious. But I just cant help it. Every time Ramadhan comes, the first thing I remember is abah. The life I had with him, I miss every single second of it.

I remember his face when he was lying down on the floor, the night he passed away. I remember his voice when he asked for some warm milk to cool down his stomachache. I remember massaging his back to help him feel a lil bit better. I remember his presence in my car sitting right next to me when I was driving him to the clinic. I remember the way he looked at me when he said "Sakitlah perut abah."

Oh D, of all the memories, I still have regrets. I regret not taking his pain seriously. I regret making him the milk even though I knew very well that dairy food and stomachache are not bestfriends. I regret not being with him on his last breath. Oh D. How I wish I can turn the time back. For just one moment with him. 

If I get to have the golden chance of having him here with me again, I'd do anything for it. I'd do anything to make things up for him. I'd make him laugh and feel happy. I'd make him proud of me once again. I'd tell him that he meant the world to me. I'd tell him that everything he ever did for me was enough. And that everything he did not do for me had a valid reason only for he cared about me deeply. 

But D, I know that kind of chance will never exist. I know and I'm faithfully believe that this is the best for everyone, for me. I just miss him. So much. 

S.